Belle Red and the Grumpy Penguin

Blind Dates Ahh Blind Dates are they like mystery jelly beans?

One is yummy the next one tastes like ear wax.

Well I think I had that one with the "Grumpy Penguin."

How did he get his name? Hang around so you can be as stunned as I was!

On my set-up dates we met at an Italian restaurant. It seems my blind date "Bill" had been to this restaurant many times before. How do I know this? Well when I sat down across from the man who seemed unable to smile, I was immediately told by said man "I always get the same thing every time I come here." He proceeded to tell me he always gets the lasagna and eats half and takes the rest home for lunch the next day. sigh...Living on the Edge!

As we waited for our food I found out "Bill" was a computer programmer...hmmm. So was my ex-husband. I still didn't want to throw him to the curb just for that so I asked him about his family. He has full custody of a 13 year old daughter.

With his perpetual frown he said "If she knew I was at the mall she would be here right now."

"How old is she?” I asked?

"13"

He them went on to tell me all his daughter wants to do is talk on the phone and shop. "That’s all she does - talk and shop." I tried to explain to the jerk that this is normal for a 13 year old girl. He folded his arms over his chest and pouted yes pouted.

Lord that poor girl!

Complaining about your kids is a major red flag. What a jerk.

As I watched Mr. Personality put his remaining 1/2 lasagna in his doggie bag I knew this man was not for me or anybody who enjoyed light. My thoughts were confirmed when he tossed a card at me. Yes you read that right - "tossed a card at me" His calling card had his name, address, phone number and wait, I had to squint my eyes...an animated penguin in the corner. What the hell!

Run! Run!!!!

For Whom The Bell Tolls - Thee Oh Dud Date

Escaping a badly boring or just plain bad date is a matter a pre-planning.

My engaged friend, when she was in blind date hell, employed a very successful method of escape. She did ultimately have- THE BLIND DATE - her future husband that is. So blind dates can work out...eventually.

Before the date she would set the alarm on her cell phone to go off 30 minutes or so into the date. Of critical importance, she set the ringer to sound like her phone ringer. When the phone rang with "a call" she would answer the call.

"Oh my - Oh dear - How awful!" she would say. She would turn to her date "My _____ has been (or had)_______. I must go!"

Escape!

Other methods employed less successfully: you have a developed a sudden illness - headache, early morning meeting you suddenly remembered, you left the iron and the stove on - hell all the appliances are on having a wild party! (you wish!)

I am sure you can add a few!

Now if he FABULOUS! When the phone "rings" - "Goodness those telemarketers have gotten my cell number! How awful:)!"